I could say so much right now to you all
So many accusations and names to call
Calm down, stop crying,you know we all feel it
Leave me alone, I'm unable to bear it
But, though I posses ample desire to snap,
I put my head down, keep my hands in my lap
I count backwards to ten and bite my lip red
I know by feeling dramatic I'm often misled
12/14/10
5/23/10
Pointless Life
What does one do with a pointless life?
Put it in a box for later?
Give it away to someone
Who would actually use it?
Honestly
What can a person do with something
That feels a lot like nothing?
I believe that a person who never
figures out what to do with a pointless life
Stays in a place that molds around them
And, instead of something coming from nothing
The nothing continues to dissolve
And the pointless life
Loses all value
And can't be sold for five cents
At the cheapest second hand store
Even if you throw in
A free bit
Of purpose
Put it in a box for later?
Give it away to someone
Who would actually use it?
Honestly
What can a person do with something
That feels a lot like nothing?
I believe that a person who never
figures out what to do with a pointless life
Stays in a place that molds around them
And, instead of something coming from nothing
The nothing continues to dissolve
And the pointless life
Loses all value
And can't be sold for five cents
At the cheapest second hand store
Even if you throw in
A free bit
Of purpose
5/13/10
5/12/10
5/11/10
Dumbest
The dumbest way to be
Is to feel a dumb thing
Like jealousy
You can want and wish until you're sore
But wishing doesn't make you get any more
So you just sit in a pointless state
Doing something as stupid,
Idiotic,
And wasteful
As wait
Is to feel a dumb thing
Like jealousy
You can want and wish until you're sore
But wishing doesn't make you get any more
So you just sit in a pointless state
Doing something as stupid,
Idiotic,
And wasteful
As wait
5/6/10
Lack of Sleep
Little pebbles of pointless criticism
Adorn my dull facade
Crippled by my own neglect
Killing myself by simply missing sleep
Only a nap heals my headaches
Forgetful and bleary, I attempt to focus
Sliding along with bursts of awakeness
Luckily, I can get by
Even though it is ridiculously difficult
Exact measures are out of the question
Perhaps it is time for some self-discipline
Adorn my dull facade
Crippled by my own neglect
Killing myself by simply missing sleep
Only a nap heals my headaches
Forgetful and bleary, I attempt to focus
Sliding along with bursts of awakeness
Luckily, I can get by
Even though it is ridiculously difficult
Exact measures are out of the question
Perhaps it is time for some self-discipline
4/27/10
Someday
Someday I hope to be a Someone
Going out and doing things that Somebodies do
Whether it falls to saving the world
Creating a cause, or making something new
I wish to plaster my name Somewhere
Have it stark and barren for all
No matter the ink or the height of the letters
So long as it's sturdy and will never fall
I'd love to be a figure in history
People would look back at the way
I did great things, how I changed the world
I would forever be remembered Someday
But it's a fearful possibility
That I could be a Nobody
Who goes Nowhere, does Nothing
And finds that there is no way
For my dreams to be more than
A wish for Someday
Going out and doing things that Somebodies do
Whether it falls to saving the world
Creating a cause, or making something new
I wish to plaster my name Somewhere
Have it stark and barren for all
No matter the ink or the height of the letters
So long as it's sturdy and will never fall
I'd love to be a figure in history
People would look back at the way
I did great things, how I changed the world
I would forever be remembered Someday
But it's a fearful possibility
That I could be a Nobody
Who goes Nowhere, does Nothing
And finds that there is no way
For my dreams to be more than
A wish for Someday
4/15/10
Dizzy
It isn't the room that spins; it's my head
Zoom! I hear it inside my ears
My eyes flick in an oddly shaped circle
Following the path my mind makes
I can't stand up; the high pressure
Would kill me
So I sit and I twirl
Both at once
The correct impossibility of this anomaly
Simply wraps reason into a ball of yarn
Then pulls one end
Until it is spinning in place
Like I am
Zoom! I hear it inside my ears
My eyes flick in an oddly shaped circle
Following the path my mind makes
I can't stand up; the high pressure
Would kill me
So I sit and I twirl
Both at once
The correct impossibility of this anomaly
Simply wraps reason into a ball of yarn
Then pulls one end
Until it is spinning in place
Like I am
4/9/10
3/27/10
Memory - from Cats the Broadway Musical
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-L6rEm0rnY&feature=fvw
GRIZABELLA:
Memory, turn your face to the moonlight
Let your memory lead you
Open up, enter in
If you find there the meaning of what happiness is
Then a new life will begin
Memory, all alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again
Burnt out ends of smokey days
The stale cold smell of morning
The street lamp dies, another night is over
Another day is dawning
Daylight, I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I mustn't give in
When the dawn comes tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin
SILLABUB:
Sunlight, through the trees in summer
Endless masquerading
GRIZABELLA AND SILLABUB:
Like a flower as the dawn is breaking
GRIZABELLA:
The memory is fading
Touch me, it's so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me you'll understand what happiness is
Look, a new day has begun
3/19/10
I Don't Care
Why should it hurt me when you don't say
Where you are and why you're away?
It ought not to be painful to be ignored
I understand if you are simply bored
It's sinful to worry about where you could be
When your phone won't pick up, it shan't matter to me
I've done the same thing and you said you were fine
It didn't hurt your feelings, so it shouldn't hurt mine
I guess how I worried would make you stare
But it's hard to pretend
That I don't
Care
Where you are and why you're away?
It ought not to be painful to be ignored
I understand if you are simply bored
It's sinful to worry about where you could be
When your phone won't pick up, it shan't matter to me
I've done the same thing and you said you were fine
It didn't hurt your feelings, so it shouldn't hurt mine
I guess how I worried would make you stare
But it's hard to pretend
That I don't
Care
Honesty
Honesty
Was Never The Best Policy
the one who told you that
Lied
Living your life without lies
(In our Society)
Is committing suicide
In So Many Ways
Through the tangled reeds of the modern river
We cannot always slash our way through
Often we must Bend
Honesty is gold; honesty is the snow leopard
Your truthfulness is sickening
Gross
It is refreshing and eye-widening
You create the hole through which I can fit
My Truth
And I like it.
Was Never The Best Policy
the one who told you that
Lied
Living your life without lies
(In our Society)
Is committing suicide
In So Many Ways
Through the tangled reeds of the modern river
We cannot always slash our way through
Often we must Bend
Honesty is gold; honesty is the snow leopard
Your truthfulness is sickening
Gross
It is refreshing and eye-widening
You create the hole through which I can fit
My Truth
And I like it.
3/15/10
A Song For A Friend
Living through feelings no single way
Numbed by the punches you get in the fray
The darker feelings outweigh the good
So you do what you need to, but not what you should
Everyone seems to be higher than you
So you take a step up, 'cause what else can you do?
Chorus:
Feel yourself fall
Who could have known
That to fly so high
You would have to face
The opposite side?
You try to get better and stronger and happier with yourself
You strain with your last thought for the unreachable star
Who knew that to rise to high
you'd fall so far?
Nothing is working; you're less than before
They hands you a hot coal and you can't let go
Tears fall without effort yet deny you relief
It's okay for a moment, but the time is too brief
Sadness runs through your veins but feels like glass shards
You can't play the game if they won't give you the cards
Your personal Richter scale is at about ten
The feeling's euphoric up until when you
Chorus
Numbed by the punches you get in the fray
The darker feelings outweigh the good
So you do what you need to, but not what you should
Everyone seems to be higher than you
So you take a step up, 'cause what else can you do?
Chorus:
Feel yourself fall
Who could have known
That to fly so high
You would have to face
The opposite side?
You try to get better and stronger and happier with yourself
You strain with your last thought for the unreachable star
Who knew that to rise to high
you'd fall so far?
Nothing is working; you're less than before
They hands you a hot coal and you can't let go
Tears fall without effort yet deny you relief
It's okay for a moment, but the time is too brief
Sadness runs through your veins but feels like glass shards
You can't play the game if they won't give you the cards
Your personal Richter scale is at about ten
The feeling's euphoric up until when you
Chorus
3/5/10
Ditz
The absence of brain cells
Is a particular anomaly I do not, personally,
Possess.
However
To please those who are missing several of theirs
Occasionally I shall act
In accordance
With the attitude of one
Who has no brain
Is a particular anomaly I do not, personally,
Possess.
However
To please those who are missing several of theirs
Occasionally I shall act
In accordance
With the attitude of one
Who has no brain
3/4/10
Beautiful, Horrible Snow
Hope of spring and the absence of cold
Is shivering delightedly in my soul
Behind are days chilled and bold
And sunshine licks my hair
When suddenly - evilly - down there falls
A lacy feather from the incoming clouds
I realize the doom and towards heaven calls
For it to be winter no more, dang it!
Each tree is frosted, and everything blends
Into the insipid whitewashed collage
And thus in such fashion spring awkwardly ends
As if millions of swans have molted on the world
Is shivering delightedly in my soul
Behind are days chilled and bold
And sunshine licks my hair
When suddenly - evilly - down there falls
A lacy feather from the incoming clouds
I realize the doom and towards heaven calls
For it to be winter no more, dang it!
Each tree is frosted, and everything blends
Into the insipid whitewashed collage
And thus in such fashion spring awkwardly ends
As if millions of swans have molted on the world
3/2/10
Modern
The ripples and flow of the Renaissance
Literal and lovely
Fair and fat women
Nude and muscular men
Did the art and literature reflect their society?
Or was society
A mere reflection?
And what about now?
Sharp straight lines, each
painting not expressing
Life
But something more abstract
Or!!!
Is this modern, wacky type
A reflection of society
Where people are sharp straight lines
On a funky canvas...?
2/24/10
Kind of the Theme Song of My Life; I Hope
To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go
To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star
This is my quest, to follow that star
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far
To fight for the right, without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause
And I know if I'll only be true, to this glorious quest,
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm,
when I'm laid to my rest
And the world will be better for this:
That one man, scorned and covered with scars,
Still strove, with his last ounce of courage,
To reach the unreachable star
This is from Man of La Mancha. I got the youtube video; his face is has absolutely no expression, but he sings it just how I like. It's only the first song that I put this on here for.
The link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfHnzYEHAow
2/16/10
Tentative Euphoria
Here it comes: expect the worse
It could never be me, of course
Wait for another name to be said
Don't you dare get those hopes in your head
I'd agonized each minute, waiting to hear
At the moment of truth, said slow and clear
It's...me.
Should I scream? Should I cry?
Possibilities are extensive, but then I
Can only gasp and clutch at my hair
Gone is all reason to try not to care
I WON!Everybody grins at my face
Congratulations are all over the place
"I knew right away it was gonna be you"
They say it like it's really true!
By myself, I dance in my room
My eyes closed, I flail to the boom
Of the music that reaches both fingers and toes
To outer space. I can only suppose
That it's all for me, all that I did
But there's one thing I can' get rid
Of; the unsettled thought of risking again
Standing before a judges' stand
And thinking I won't continue to win
But still be glad that I got to begin
It could never be me, of course
Wait for another name to be said
Don't you dare get those hopes in your head
I'd agonized each minute, waiting to hear
At the moment of truth, said slow and clear
It's...me.
Should I scream? Should I cry?
Possibilities are extensive, but then I
Can only gasp and clutch at my hair
Gone is all reason to try not to care
I WON!Everybody grins at my face
Congratulations are all over the place
"I knew right away it was gonna be you"
They say it like it's really true!
By myself, I dance in my room
My eyes closed, I flail to the boom
Of the music that reaches both fingers and toes
To outer space. I can only suppose
That it's all for me, all that I did
But there's one thing I can' get rid
Of; the unsettled thought of risking again
Standing before a judges' stand
And thinking I won't continue to win
But still be glad that I got to begin
2/15/10
Old Toys
All alone
I tangibly touch my childhood
I remember what I'd done with it
Who I had done it with
Memories you never could realize
Unless you touch them with your fingers
I smile
This toy, that block
All were the tools to imagination
But also to family
I haven't even seen them
In years
And now, I see the years I had with them
Where did it all go?
Are old times stretched like people?
Becoming taller, wider, more mature?
Is time like a body, moving upwards always?
Or, like old toys, they stay the same
Just fade a little
Interesting that childhood will never leave you
Only you
Can leave
I tangibly touch my childhood
I remember what I'd done with it
Who I had done it with
Memories you never could realize
Unless you touch them with your fingers
I smile
This toy, that block
All were the tools to imagination
But also to family
I haven't even seen them
In years
And now, I see the years I had with them
Where did it all go?
Are old times stretched like people?
Becoming taller, wider, more mature?
Is time like a body, moving upwards always?
Or, like old toys, they stay the same
Just fade a little
Interesting that childhood will never leave you
Only you
Can leave
Then and Now OR Sky and Rain
Then:
Hand in hand
Heart to heart
Sharing
Perfect
Pieces to a two piece puzzle
She and I
Now:
Side by side
Squinting
Unsure
Becoming surer
Potential
You and Me
Then:
A boy
A mistake
Shaken
Distant
Didn't learn
More mistakes
Didn't care
She.....and I
Now:
Hesitant to care
Especially around boys
Watches aftermath of mistakes
Potential of withdrawing
In fear
You...and Me?
Then:
First went the phone calls
Then the chats and emails
Stopped caring
Friend is like the sky
I am the rain
I am easily dropped
And I don't care.
No 'And'. Just She. Then I.
Now:
Fear isn't evident
As I was cautious
To care in the first place
I remember
That friends are like skies
And I am the rain
If you want me
I'm here
You don't
I'll still be here
But not always
Friends aren't forever
I've learned that
It's up to you
If you want us to still be
You and Me.
Hand in hand
Heart to heart
Sharing
Perfect
Pieces to a two piece puzzle
She and I
Now:
Side by side
Squinting
Unsure
Becoming surer
Potential
You and Me
Then:
A boy
A mistake
Shaken
Distant
Didn't learn
More mistakes
Didn't care
She.....and I
Now:
Hesitant to care
Especially around boys
Watches aftermath of mistakes
Potential of withdrawing
In fear
You...and Me?
Then:
First went the phone calls
Then the chats and emails
Stopped caring
Friend is like the sky
I am the rain
I am easily dropped
And I don't care.
No 'And'. Just She. Then I.
Now:
Fear isn't evident
As I was cautious
To care in the first place
I remember
That friends are like skies
And I am the rain
If you want me
I'm here
You don't
I'll still be here
But not always
Friends aren't forever
I've learned that
It's up to you
If you want us to still be
You and Me.
Free Verse: Sleep
If sleep to me was beyond a word;
a fulfill I both remember and miss,
an easy gate towards senseless bliss.
Ah, restedness I envy.
Wish I: speed of light as my skill to circumnutate the earth until I find the night.
Or rather,
whilst the world will spin
I’d take a spacenap; outside the atmosphere
and stay opposite the sunny demand.
Liest he there, Sleep does.
His flutterly hand - a malicious beckon. He rests it on my head,
the weight and undeniable strength
pushing.
D
r
i
p
s
water on my shoulders – tick tock tick
each second = more weight.
A gentle, condescending smile beside my face.
Cares who for dawn and the busy?
Life is useless
without dreams f i l l i n g in the cracks, he says.
My drooped eyelids - flags of surrender.
VOICES
of Import
speak to my deaf stupidity. Hazed vision impedes any answer.
Falls
d
o
w
n
resolve - disolvingly useless
Blank is my stare,
empty is my mind of all
but one all encompassing desire
"Sleep," every cells yearns/burns
Not a soldier, groan I
No need for solowars
.................
My moment loss but a piffle
Back I go to consciousness.
a fulfill I both remember and miss,
an easy gate towards senseless bliss.
Ah, restedness I envy.
Wish I: speed of light as my skill to circumnutate the earth until I find the night.
Or rather,
whilst the world will spin
I’d take a spacenap; outside the atmosphere
and stay opposite the sunny demand.
Liest he there, Sleep does.
His flutterly hand - a malicious beckon. He rests it on my head,
the weight and undeniable strength
pushing.
D
r
i
p
s
water on my shoulders – tick tock tick
each second = more weight.
A gentle, condescending smile beside my face.
Cares who for dawn and the busy?
Life is useless
without dreams f i l l i n g in the cracks, he says.
My drooped eyelids - flags of surrender.
VOICES
of Import
speak to my deaf stupidity. Hazed vision impedes any answer.
Falls
d
o
w
n
resolve - disolvingly useless
Blank is my stare,
empty is my mind of all
but one all encompassing desire
"Sleep," every cells yearns/burns
Not a soldier, groan I
No need for solowars
.................
My moment loss but a piffle
Back I go to consciousness.
2/8/10
White Lie
I am a sheet of white paper
You cannot see
The microscopic spots of black ink splattered on my surface
The white
You can see
And you don't look any closer
A crease, a fold - I am a paper airplane
I'll fly away before you will ever see
That I am not just
A sheet of white paper
There is more
Than is visible
Tiny evil black spots
That
You
Won't
Ever
See
You cannot see
The microscopic spots of black ink splattered on my surface
The white
You can see
And you don't look any closer
A crease, a fold - I am a paper airplane
I'll fly away before you will ever see
That I am not just
A sheet of white paper
There is more
Than is visible
Tiny evil black spots
That
You
Won't
Ever
See
Realistic
Once upon a mossy log
A leech sang in the fragrant bog
It would sing a lovely tune
In the bog, beneath the moon
Like a siren on the beach
But it could not disregard
(Though it always tried so hard)
The fact it was an
ugly
leech
A leech sang in the fragrant bog
It would sing a lovely tune
In the bog, beneath the moon
Like a siren on the beach
But it could not disregard
(Though it always tried so hard)
The fact it was an
ugly
leech
1/25/10
Delicious Exhaustion
I know I've posted something about how "physical exercise is torture blah blah blah" but I have to admit; when you work out and feel the pain that comes from being so tired that you want to just lay down right where you are but you can't just yet, it makes you feel as if you deserve that big meal afterward or that chocolate bar.
I think, when basketball is over, I'm going to go running every morning before school from around 6 to 6:15. Not anything too much; just enough to give me a regular dose of endorphins.
A side note, with nothing to do with anything, I've decided to start writing again. I've been looking at some of my old stuff that I've written and even reading books about writing to get in the mood. So, perhaps, when I get so inspired that I'm ready to burst, I'll wake up early in the morning to write for a while.
Urghhhhh. I have a headache and I'm tired and I'm not at all done with anything that I have to do. But I AM done with this blog post, thank goodness.
I think, when basketball is over, I'm going to go running every morning before school from around 6 to 6:15. Not anything too much; just enough to give me a regular dose of endorphins.
A side note, with nothing to do with anything, I've decided to start writing again. I've been looking at some of my old stuff that I've written and even reading books about writing to get in the mood. So, perhaps, when I get so inspired that I'm ready to burst, I'll wake up early in the morning to write for a while.
Urghhhhh. I have a headache and I'm tired and I'm not at all done with anything that I have to do. But I AM done with this blog post, thank goodness.
1/19/10
Physical Pain Via Exercise
My whole body is a trembling muscle that has been thrown down a cliff, pushed over a waterfall and buried underground. At least, that's what it feels like. Exercise: is there some reason that we have to do all this work just to have the benefits? I mean, what would be so bad about being effortlessly ripped? Would it make us less appreciative of, I don't know, our ability to work or something? I'm all for no effort and all rewards; at least when physical pain is involved. Owwwwww.
1/7/10
New Year's Resolutions
That time of year when we look at ourselves as critically as possibly in order to see something to fix. And, at my school, goals are this whole big deal, so I've written down quite a few goals down on paper. You want a list? Of course you don't. Well, here goes.
-Start writing again
-When the snow melts, I'll run around the block before school
-Not gossip
-Try harder at basketball
-Be able to do five push-ups where I touch the floor and then come up(it's so sad that I can't do that, but I will change!!)
-Learn to brush my teeth with my left hand (I heard it helps memory; weird, huh?)
-Get a job
-Save my money for going to Europe
-Work on getting scholarships
-Win a thousand dollars
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
